My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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