I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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