I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
