I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
