I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
