I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
