If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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