So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
