that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
