well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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