I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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