all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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