Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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