i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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