there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
