i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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