its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
