forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
