Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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