Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
