I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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