When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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