chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have already put on my inside pants.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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