So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
