dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
