If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
