FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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