i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
