uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
