If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
