So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
