I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What a dumb baby whore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
