Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
