my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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