We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
