where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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