i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
