if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
