I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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