So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
