dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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