Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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