Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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