i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
