I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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