I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize