So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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