WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
