just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
