So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
