After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FUCK WHALES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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