He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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