So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
