the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
