worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
