I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
