hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
