no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
