I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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