I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
