I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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