i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
