I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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