So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
