I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize