is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
