Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
