Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
