dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
