so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
