it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
