I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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