At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
