It's like God shit irony all over that family
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You ruined the universe
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
