ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She bit a glass in half.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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